-----------------
we have tickets to a concert in camden. i barely know the band, but it's an outing and we haven't
done much out in the world except for eating in restaurants. we park at penn's landing, we take a
ferry, she's nervous about the water, i'm elevated by it.
we make our way to some very good seats and three songs in to the performance, we both nod
that it's time to leave.too loud, not musical. we have a head gesture that we use to signal let's get outta here.
we go.
the ferry won't be back until the show is over so we find a bench by the river and as the sun sets over
philadelphia,
the woman i'm in love with tells me a story. it's a story about how she learned so much and a story
about the price she paid to learn it. there's a guru, an estranged sister, a kid at risk and a husband
who worried about makeup on his shirt after they embraced. there's room in the story for lots of
emotions and she's worried about the shame. she tells me anyway. later, she admits that this was
hard for her-she'd been avoiding this particular disclosure, afraid she thinks. it turns out that it
was easier for her than she imagined:
something about park benches and rivers and loud music coming from far away.
when the story's over, we make out like kids on the bench. the woman i'm in love with kisses me in
that way that she invented, in that destined, tried out on somebody else, but really designed for me
way that she has.
-------------------------
done much out in the world except for eating in restaurants. we park at penn's landing, we take a
ferry, she's nervous about the water, i'm elevated by it.
we make our way to some very good seats and three songs in to the performance, we both nod
that it's time to leave.too loud, not musical. we have a head gesture that we use to signal let's get outta here.
we go.
the ferry won't be back until the show is over so we find a bench by the river and as the sun sets over
philadelphia,
the woman i'm in love with tells me a story. it's a story about how she learned so much and a story
about the price she paid to learn it. there's a guru, an estranged sister, a kid at risk and a husband
who worried about makeup on his shirt after they embraced. there's room in the story for lots of
emotions and she's worried about the shame. she tells me anyway. later, she admits that this was
hard for her-she'd been avoiding this particular disclosure, afraid she thinks. it turns out that it
was easier for her than she imagined:
something about park benches and rivers and loud music coming from far away.
when the story's over, we make out like kids on the bench. the woman i'm in love with kisses me in
that way that she invented, in that destined, tried out on somebody else, but really designed for me
way that she has.
-------------------------
we come home exhausted. we're naked. we kiss standing up, we take to the bed and we lock our bodies
in a way that's becoming (for me at least) a signature
in a way that's becoming (for me at least) a signature
of our intimacy and we go to sleep with the street-light shadows of the blinds drawing lines across her shoulder
and breast. as we drift down, the woman i'm in love with says "are you disappointed that we didn't
make love". i tell her that i'm not disappointed and what i'm really thinking is "silly woman,
i can't remember
i can't remember
ever making love like we did tonight
on that park bench by the river."
on that park bench by the river."
we sleep late. there are hugs and a hard on that's pressed against her belly. it's a banner ad for wanting, but
it's not to be: no time, no space right now. she asks me if i want to masturbate. i say 'no, i think i'll keep this one
for later.' and so i pack up my erection and take it home with me where it keeps me company all day long.
thinking about it (if you had a day-long hard-on, you'd think about it too.) i realized i had more to say. so
i wrote:
watching a man masturbate may be fun (i wouldn't know) but it probably isn't very instructive about a man's
sensuiality/sexuality. we mostly jerk off to get off and be done with it. i guess it has something to do with
childhood fears of getting caught and something to do with 'sex-is-an-itch-so-scratch-it' that pertains when
one is partnerless.
what i have right now is the warm, crotchy sense of being naked with you this morning. i think if i had
masturbated, i wouldn't have that right now and you know how us romantics are about stoking the
fires of the feelings. but next time, if you insist. . . .
masturbated, i wouldn't have that right now and you know how us romantics are about stoking the
fires of the feelings. but next time, if you insist. . . .
----------------
the woman i'm in love with writes back;
1:45 client just arrived
So to be brief: re graf 1: you have no idea how much I love it when you teach me stuff, Lynn...
graf 2.... Not unrelated to savoring...and simmering...another thing related to you that I love...
and i wonder if i was being stingy. maybe next time she asks i'll just assume that she wants to watch. maybe
i'll do it more self-lovingly for knowing that she's there. maybe we'll both like it.
---------------
so i guess what i'll do now is walk the dog and then head to the gym. when i'm done working out, i'll take a shower,
a cold shower. and then i'll go to her and we'll have the long night all to ourselves.
and i wonder if i was being stingy. maybe next time she asks i'll just assume that she wants to watch. maybe
i'll do it more self-lovingly for knowing that she's there. maybe we'll both like it.
---------------
so i guess what i'll do now is walk the dog and then head to the gym. when i'm done working out, i'll take a shower,
a cold shower. and then i'll go to her and we'll have the long night all to ourselves.
No comments:
Post a Comment