The woman i'm in love with decides, after some intimate time together, that sharing a shower just isn't the right thing to do. "It's an Upper Limits Problem" she says: too much of a good thing can turn into a bad thing just because we unprocessed creatures have a low tolerance for good things.
fair enough. i don't want the new car smell of our time together to disappear so i back off and leave with a gentle, below-the-limit kiss. however, being a curious soul, i ask for a commentary, and she sends me a chapter. the title is something like "the only relationship problem you have to solve" which immediately got my attention. the only problem? let me at it.
the writers (and i assume by proxy the woman i'm in love with) maintain that the cycle of excess good feeling leading to bad feeling can be moderated. we are capable of growth, not prisoners of a binge and purge prison.
one way to keep good feelings from mutating into bad is to give and take space: take a breather, make a break. go for a walk, retreat to your pad. i need less of a break, the woman needs more.
another way is to move: run, dance, breathe, stretch, dance. the authors call it hauling the ash, as if the uncombusted products of passion gum up the works of love.
non-sexual touch increases the space for good. so does talking about what's going on.
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i find this all good.
i think i will indulge my propensity for giving by giving space.
i think i will punctuate that (and honor myself) with tiny bursts of intimacy-a ten minute dance, a twenty minute queest, a half-hour making out on the office sofa.
i like that she can claim her space easily. i like that it reminds me of dancing not contesting.
i like that this reminds me of cooking: a question of applying the senses to make a beautiful outcome.
i have spent a lifetime discarding preferences and now i see that was really so that when the time came, i could focus on what counts.
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