Wednesday, September 7, 2016

What to do if you're too angry to Do-Over right.

There's a moment when you know: this argument has gone the wrong way, things are out of hand, no good can walk through the door we just opened. The realization may hit you on the head or it may sneak up on you.
If you've been practicing the art of the Do-Over for a while, you'll probably get that sense pretty soon.
But sometimes, if you're new to it or if passions are running higher than usual, you may find yourself angry or confused. You may sense that you'd end up repeating that same agitated, angry or off-center rant that got you into this in the first place.
You need a safety net. You need to climb back down from that high horse, take off the armor and meet your partner (remember, this is your loving partner) in a gentler place.
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What makes this so hard is that you and your partner may find your very voices distorted by the anger that comes up. You want to stop the fight-cycle but even your request for a Do-Over has a toxic, hostile ring to it. The Do-Over itself may be doomed by the tension between you.
One proven way to neutralize the poison and get back to the love is to remove your voice from your words. You could point to a favorite biblical verse, I guess or dig out a particularly apt Valentine's Day card. But if you want to be sure your message fits the circumstance, there's another, more efficient solution.